Remorse
by The Sarcastic Polar Bear
Summary: Remorse had clenched his heart in its ice cold grip, taunting him. Why hadn't he saved her?


**Hey, everyone! This is just a short, sad oneshot I started a couple of days ago, and I thought I'd wrap it up and post it!**

Shouting.

Gunshots.

A cry of pain.

The sounds echoed nonstop in Mal's mind, thunder rumbling in the distance. The formerly sunny afternoon had given way to a rainy, dark evening. But the weather didn't matter.

To anybody else, he would have looked like any typical man visiting a lost one as he stood so close to a gray headstone, one hand resting gently on top of it.

Fear.

Hurt.

Remorse.

A sea of emotions washed over him. She was gone. He hadn't saved her. Nobody had bothered to tell him it wasn't his fault, but anybody who knew him also knew that he was a stubborn man and wouldn't listen.

He closed his eyes, and in that moment the memory drowned him. He clearly remembered the fear that settled in his heart as he watched her fall, blood staining her shirt. Then there was the hurt that followed as he realized that he was losing her.

Remorse had clenched his heart in its ice cold grip, taunting him. Why hadn't he saved her? If he had responded faster, he could have taken that bullet for her. He would much rather his blood be spilled than hers.

His face was damp. He wasn't sure if it was the rain or the few lone tears that had escaped his eyes.

_"Natara!" Mal shouted as the gunshot rang out, the bullet penetrating his partner's chest. In an instant he dropped to his knees by her side. "Nat... stay with me." Crimson blood was quickly staining her shirt._

_Natara coughed. "Mal..." she breathed, wincing in pain. Mal grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze._

_"Just hang on. Blaise is calling an ambulance." Mal applied more pressure to her wound, biting his lip as her blood seeped through her fingers._

_In reality, it was only a couple of minutes before the sound of sirens rang out. But it felt like much longer. Mal's heart raced as Natara's eyelids fluttered. For a long moment in time, soft hazel eyes locked with sapphire blue._

_Natara weakly took his hand and coughed. "Mal, I love you."_

_"No, no, no. This isn't the end, Natara. It isn't over!" But in that moment, he realized that he was losing her. "Natara, no... just a little longer! You can fight this!" he begged hoarsely._

_He couldn't believe this. It couldn't be the end. Natara was strong, she had to pull through this. But there was nothing he could do as he watched the life slowly drain from her eyes. "I love you, Nat."_

_The ambulance skidded to a stop outside, but they were too late. She was gone._

"I never thought I'd lose you," he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I know I told you, but I loved you. I still do."

He knelt down, reading her name printed on the stone. "At the couple's retreat... what I said..."

_"Maybe she loves me. Maybe she doesn't. And if you that button, I'll probably never know. But you know what? I don't care. This last year, working with her? It's been the best damn year of my life. And all the C4 in the world can't take that away." He bent down and touched her olive toned cheek gently. "I love her. I always have."_

"I meant every damn word I said, Nat. I know it's late to say, but I meant it with everything I've got in me." He let out a dry chuckle. "They'll have to write cheesy detective on my grave, huh?"

With a long sigh he stood up again. "I miss you. It hurts so much. I don't think I'll ever get used to not having you around."

She had made such a large impact on his life that he hadn't ever imagined life without her. But now, he wasn't sure what he was going to do now that she was no longer with him.

"I still blame myself," he confessed. "I know I shouldn't, but you know me. I've never been the guy who listens." He didn't think he would ever stop tearing himself up inside. The memory of looking into her eyes as she slipped away would forever be on his memory. He could never forget that feeling.

At least she knew how he felt. She would never know exactly how much, and he regretted not telling her sooner. But he couldn't change the past. He could only try to his life.

He had been there so long that he hadn't noticed how dark it had become. He turned around and started to leave.

"Goodbye, Nat. You're always gonna be on my mind."

**Well, that was a downer. Anyway, I hope you liked it. As a note, I'm not sure how often I'll write in the next few weeks. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, and for a while I didn't want to write. But now, I have more motive, so I'll try to write as often as possible.**

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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